My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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