i cant cry in cvs. not again.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize