I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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