People in love make me want to vomit
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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