I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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