I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize