I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
