Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
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I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
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I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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