I hope mine doesn't look like that
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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