i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
