i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
