I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
