Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
