Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
