i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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