you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
