it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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