I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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