if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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