i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
