So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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