I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
