I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Oh god it's open bar.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
