The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
