Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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