in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
