So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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