I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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