Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
The Olympian is in my bed
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