Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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