He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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