Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
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and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
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There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
COCAINE IS GR8
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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