dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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