I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
