those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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