Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
