He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
