Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
