she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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