We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
