I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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