You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
