in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
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It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
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the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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