It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
