Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
