Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
