I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
