I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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