No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
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I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
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I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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