need another drink. this is the easiest way
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
