I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
me + whiskey = a bad person
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize