I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
