Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
