lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
