Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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