I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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