They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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