I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
