I want to walk on stilts...naked
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
